Confessions of an Idiot

So, I would like to say that every day is not always perfect around here. We started out today at record breaking temperatures which meant we were housebound again! Simon went to work and the girls and my usual routine which is going to the Y was not going to work since all schools were closed.

Not to worry, we did some coloring, played playdoh, and we were going to make homemade pizza for lunch which was intended to be today's post..........

So, as you will see in yesterday's post, I made an egg casserole which proceded to drip in the oven and smoke up the kitchen last night. This my friends is usual, as Simon likes to lovingly point out instead of using a timer we know dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off. So, I totally forgot about yesterday's events when I went to pre-heat the oven for the pizza.

When the smoke started to fill up the kitchen we scrapped the pizza idea and moved on to peanut butter and jelly. I cracked the window in the kitchen (ON THE COLDEST DAY OF THE YEAR) and went on my merry little way. I don't know what I was thinking next when I thought, I may as well just automatic clean the oven as this situation is never going to get better........HUGE MISTAKE!

All of a sudden I notice that the kitchen is full of smoke and I look in the oven and there are large flames consuming the entire oven. I guess this is why automatic cleaners have the locking mechanism since I would have been the jerk that opened the oven to look at the fire all the while lighting my afro on fire.

So instead of just one window, I now have all the windows open, the front door and fans going all through the house. Did I forget to mention that the temperature this morning was 0 and the windchill was negative below. I call my neighbor and she offers up some box fans because apparently that is just what you need when you try to burn your house down on the coldest day of the year. So, I open the garage, warm up the car for 15 minutes and procede to drive across the street to her house to pick up the fans. I know totally whiskey tango but seriously, it was alot quicker to load the girls into the car and drive across the street than my other options which were 1 - run over there on the coldest day of the year and leave them here. 2 - take the girls with me in all their snowsuits for a 3 minute walk. (anyone remember the christmas story movie. It would have taken me a half an hour to get them in all their gear for the cold for a 3 minute walk) Now for those of you that don't understand why I wouldn't just leave the girls and run across the street let me just paint a picture for you. In the amount of time that it took me to run 15 feet away to the bathroom Lulu had managed to climb up on the kitchen table, grab and crayon and color in the tiles on the floor. Leaving the kids unattended is never an option.

So we get back I hook up all the fans to suck the smoke out of the house while the windows are open in our frigid house. I put the girls with a mound full of blankets in my bed with Barney on the TV and a baby gate in front of my bathroom and begin my makeshift Fire patrol.

Did I forget to mention that I looked at the clock and it was only 11:30. Seriously, all this drama and it isn't even noon!

And Simon wonders what I do all day and why many days we have early happy hour and I order out Pizza. I am ready for a nap!